Skin Diamond

Its been a while since race has been a subject I cared about, being a man of color has always been hard, the “Harmless jokes” the Stereotypes and even the occasional step to far, but I've let it slide mostly because I have the false view that sooner or later people will just “Leave it” a view that today has been changed.

There have been times in which I have been ridiculed because of my various “Black features” my nose, my ears, my lips and the fact I am neither black nor white has been a big topic for laughs for a lot of people. I've been bullied so much for my color that I actually had to move schools… Twice.

In year six it was only minor and only a few people, but I felt the need to attend a different school. Once settled in there I was given the commonly used nickname “Little Nig”. Now I look back and think about how they were just kids and they didn't know any better, but when adults and even my friends give out there opinions on race, while I’m in the room, and the opinion just happens to be about me 100% now that’s something I don’t agree with.

So this is what happened, I have a co-worker who until this day I thought a friend. We are finishing clearing up the dining room and we start talking about “Things we don’t like” it’s all fun and games until she says, and I quote because this has been stuck in my head since she said it “I don’t like the cross breeding of colors, I think that blacks should stick to their own race, usually the father just leaves and the child is left to be teased by other people and it’s just not fair on them” At first I took it on the chin but that shit dug into me, that’s me and she’s right, not only was she racist but she was right. I come from London, where black fathers leave their white girlfriends all the time due to fear of bringing up a child, not only that but white kids think less of them, parents judge both the “Bastard child” as well as the “Whore of a mother” and she’s right, it’s not fair on them. This is what discusses me, I've seen many functioning same race parents living good lives with their kids, but I've seen some where the same race parents aren't together. But, I actually have never, ever seen a successful mixed race family , not in London, not here and that bothers me a lot. Statistics show that parents abandoning their children are at an all-time high, it’s also fact that amounts these abandonment's black fathers are the highest percentage of deserters next to the Chinese.

The Icing on top of this cake I so easily digested was that a friend of mine, someone I consider a best friend, someone I've known since before I transferred schools said “I don’t find colored men attractive enough to date” Now because she’s my friend I would have usually let something as insensitive as that slide, but she basically just said she doesn't find my race, which includes me attractive, to my face and in front of other people. And the delicious Ironic milk that washes down the cake is I spent a good two years trying to make her like me as both a friend for one year and in a romantic sense for another, this just adds even more insult to the injury. She wasn't even considerate about how mi might feel as she said it.

I haven’t been hurt like this a while, I remember the pain though because its like a disappointing sting.