The Slumber'less Hate

34 hours without sleep does wonders on the brain:

I just,
I just wish,
Sometimes i wish i had a father, 

Only sometimes,
I have much disdain,
I have so many feelings others didn't deserve, 

But he did,

I'm Sure he could've handled it,

I'm wrong just writing that.

I wish someone could harbor all this with me, 

Everyone else is full to the brim, 

I cant bare to let them spill; even at my own expense.

Its a vicious cycle,

Wasn't i good enough? 

Was I sacred? 

Will i be? 

I don't know him, could i be him?
I'm hateful and covetous.
I brew in dreams of shared sorrow,

I bathe in the despair,

Huddled in it glow like the rays of the sun,
Why do you get the great start? 

Who teaches me?

Why am i bitter?

I'm a suborn cup who wont admit he's full,
But i cant break myself, 

Its too hard to do alone, 

My insides are stained
I cant bare to write this, 

My ego's fighting me back,
Most of my work dies with what little pride sparks it.

Swallowed by the fear of judgment,

Father figure worried about me,
We're the same and he tries so hard,
I feel so useless, 

so confused,
What am i doing?
What the fuck am i doing?

Pew Pew Pew. I'm going to bed now.