Bang, that's me.
Now the chaotic neutral might sound like a dick and act like a dick, but his intentions are for the best... or for his entertainment, either way he is right. A chaotic neutral character may be unpredictable, but his behavior is not totally random. He is not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it.
I may throw in some sweet lyrics i have heard/made in the middle of this because i can
Uni so far has been a morally changing experience for me, i know whats right and wrong now and i chose not to follow either, i'm on my own path but everyone acts like they've seen the road i walk on. Sure I've done some things that were "bad" but that was in the past, my views have changed, my opinion on things has changed; Some things I've learned to savor like good company or a nice home cooked meal, and some things i now loathe because of uni like certain types of people or doing my stupid laundry.
"We are the dreams of our parents lost in the future
Who hide the deepest desires and wear a mask like a lucha-Door"
There really is no point to what i'm writing i just like to switch from blog to blog and posting whats going on in my fucked up head. it used to be that i'd just think about sex and killing myself, one of those is gone (the sex) kinda looking to mix my life up a little and take the slow route for once...
I'm mad again at something id totally gotten over like a year ago, i'd gotten over the fact that you made me look like a dick head, or told people that i was "In love with you" or even saying i didn't care when i did (literally the worst thing a girl can do to you is call you up on a crush saying you didn't give a shit when you actually did, that shits soul crushing dude) i want to be your friend, but you make that god awful hard.
The topic of love is a strong one at the moment, many different conflicting ideals and dilemmas that could potentially ruin this Christmas for me, my minds doing that thing again where it re-runs images and clips of various experiences I've had in order to tease me. what a dick.
fuzzy feelings for people i can never have and the worst part is i'm shit at reading signals so unless someone tells me they like me i just assume i'm a fucking dickhead and all girls hate me ahahahahah
"She say she feel alone all the time, I'm similar
I meet her in my dreams on the moon, I visit her
Every night I text her "I wanna solve the world, I think I need your help"
She text me "How you gon' trust somebody when you don't trust yourself?"
The subject matter of my friends comes up, i may have fucked up my best friends relationship by being a selfish prick. Uni's going great though, i made some close net friends, renting the house with some bros next year.
"Man made the Web, you don't need a name
Man made of faults, I ain't too ashamed
Every thought I had, put it in a box
Read it all aloud conscience telling me to stop"
The real frosting on my shitty day cake is the fact that i ordered the most awesome Pokemon/Christmas jumper 28 days ago from america with 10 days shipping and it still hasn't come for fuck sake.
Dude i haven't had a good nights sleep in 2 months, the sleeping pills don't work and i doze off at 3:45 every night and wake up feeling like shit.
Hol'up wait a minute H20 + My D that's my hood i'm living in it. - Gambino
Peace,
Jay.
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