Flayed Music Box

Oh little showgirl what do you need?
Pried upon by eyes of greed,
Strung up so pretty in veils of red,
Lying beneath are chains and dread,
You cannot be tamed,
Rest is for the dead,
Close the box and go to bed.

Spinning Outside for all to hear,
The box is solitude, 
The box is fear,
During rotation you can perceive,
The effects of your captivity,
The hand that turns it thinks you'll flee
The mirror is truth and but the scars you can't see,
They turn the handle but you hold the key.

The unlawful tune is so psychotic,
This stage men built seems quite symbolic,
Your movements they rust and seem robotic,
I see your tears and they are hypnotic.
We'll pay you cash,
Just for a flash,
Your sorrow is like a narcotic.

Oh little show girl why do you spin?
In this dreadful world of sin,
Is there hope that you can win?
The song you wrote is yours to sing,
So sing it loud,
But don't be too proud,
The man you serve is not your king.

Oh little show girl hung up and flayed,
With skin so soft the red will fade,
If you are an item then how will you trade?
You've run out of flesh of which you've displayed,
They'll have their profit,
And you'll have your grave.


side-note : Ta Eve for some inspiration (bittersweet).

Show Tune Short

I wish I could be simultaneously,
Alone but together,
No judgment; just me.
An infinite summer,
Spent sat by that tree,
All of these things but most of all free.
I’ve always been whole but still I’ve felt half,
Perspective is something that adds to the craft,
To display my feelings not provoking a laugh,
An art yet to master,

The vision seems daft.

Questions

Who are you? what are you doing here?
You have a love? You have a life? embrace the fear
You have a dream? are you still young? i guess its near
Realistic? Or fictional? will father cheer?

What are you doing? What are you hiding?
Is this a gift? a piece you wrote? that's quite exciting
A secret door? or something more? Its just some writing
Emotional? or Biblical? Religious slighting

Is that a sin? Its pretty vague or not explained
Come from within? learned on the side? you are abstained
A family? The friends you see? it seems maintained
Envious? or strenuous? you seem strained

Is that a moral? young you would have a lot to say
reciprocation? Annihilation? feelings conveyed
Aged well? like alcohol? peer pressure swayed
Innocent? or common sense? you have in spades

Burn the Box

An emotional arsonist, Burn the box while still inside of it

Fire for a show, the spectacle will grow in the dim lit cavern inside of him
Watch the essence whip the air and struggle like the man trapped inside
Let the walls consume you, embroiled with the flames
Tender embers burn for hours charring feelings into ash
In this little pocket where no sun can compare, the passion burned white hot 
Close to the center for a second it was beautiful
Ended on the outskirts of a spark most unusual 
Then the winds will scatter and scream whistling for the phoenix 

Short & Sweet

There was an old wife’s tale I did not think true,
Once you stop looking the treasure finds you,
The siren had sung and I got the view,
Of dimples and smiles so incredibly cute,
Written for you in a mindset that’s new,
Once I was blank and undoubtedly blue,
Now I met you there’s a spring in my shoe,
And there’s a new interest I’d like to pursue,
It ends with the day and started with you.

(A Poem for Olivia's birthday) 

where i'm @ 2

Straight from the dome, one take as un-incriminating as i can be, here is me.
Firstly shout out to music in general for being 1 of 3 anchors too sanity
Special shout outs Darwin Deez, Kendrick Lamar, Lucy Rose, LL Cool J and Tyler the creator

Now to buzznuzz
Firstly i'm at the bottom of this huge emotional well with a blonde rope as my only support (yeah i'm all about imagery and metaphors)
I'm basically a potato until uni starts and i can get my life back on track, home life is just so repetitive. Being at home is like a cheap imitation of freedom, i'm still bound by the constraints/blessings that are my family. The thought of being in third year/ the anxiousness of the awesomeness that MIGHT be third year have kept me up till around 3am every night since i passed second year 3 months ago. I prepared to fail and failed at failing.

Detachment from friends due to isolation and funding is pretty sweet if you're into loosing all your friends and being poor. On top of that my carelessness may just land me a repeat of last year, but the worst part is i feel like a blank slate, all this shit is just happening while i sit helplessly; I've never been more grey. I feel trapped. by my own psyche, my home, my everything is closing in and i'm uncool with being cool about this.

My emo fruit detox is going well, although i did have a slip up when i was at a party, i always forget why i don't drink until its too late,

I feel like i should break things, I've wanted to break my PC for days now and its not even acting up. I've got this silent rage right now and oh fuck am i a volcano i can feel it coming. Don't worry I'm not a serial killer (But that's what a serial killer would say) I've got a good hold on it but i want to break me? i'm the only thing that can realistically recover from a thrashing if you think about it(TY evolution) non lethal damage ofc. I'M A MAN OF LOGIC GOD DAMN IT.

I have plans to go to a field and yell a bunch of times tomorrow, listen to some music maybe run about a bit. i also feel like i'm describing myself like a free range hen who gained sentience. Oh brain <3

Besides that i'm a big fan of the whole "Netflix and chill" thing that going on its ironically hilarious
Sleep can suck a dick
I've learnt how to make the most amazing wedges in my solidarity
I'm stoked to get a job at uni
I'm kinda stoked to maybe pass this year
I'm stoked to get my confidence back, i'm a siphon
I'm looking forward to Star Wars
I am a sheep and all hail our lord and savior Jesus Krust

Peace

Slam 2

Flash of inspiration,
Stash of sensations,
Things I felt now and then,
And in the end it wont be pretend,
Losing all of my help I think I’m starting to melt; it’s hell.

What was once cold, cool, calm and collected,
Is now just wet, spilled out and subjected,
To dreams all connected,
I froze stiff and tall,
My rays all reflected,
melted down to a haze,
It only took a few days.
New fuel for a blaze.

I have spoken with the moon,
I ask “please sing me for me soon”,
you’re making me loom
I gravitate to this perfect doom.
I feel myself slipping from the inside,
The further away I drift from my minds eye,
The closer I get to the fatal line
I just wanna die; I just wanna fly.

Show Tune Shadows

In the dimly lit room let the show tunes play,
Silhouettes embrace and the shadows they sway,

there is comfort in here from my arms please don't stray,
Ivory keys,
Weak at the knees,
All i ever wanted was to extend each day.

Tell me your story without saying a word, 

Its always been you, 

Though my vision is blurred,

Just hold me close so our thoughts can be heard,

And silently dance to the rain.

Serenaded by darkness,

These feelings have stirred,
You’ll never tire,
There’s still this fire,
When it comes to love I’m uncured. 

Grounded emotions are taking flight,
Inside this room I sealed up tight,
On the edge of some great height,

Held you close with all my might,
Just to keep you in,
Sometimes we’ll spin,
The butterfly’s bite and escape from Within.
Though your kisses are bright,
This love isn’t light, 

Darkness is better you know that I’m right.
_______________________________________________________________________

So I have the corny scenario that plays over in my dreams and daydreams. It used to happen a lot in English back in year 11 and especially in that summer and they haven’t stopped since (its 2020, this was published in 2015 and they haven't stopped).

It’s 1:am because my clock says so and the room is dimly lit by 6 or 7 small candles, I can never quite count them all.; There is a draft, but not enough to put out the candles. All the furniture in my room is gone and “it’s a sin to tell a lie” is playing and the echoes are bouncing everywhere; the whole room smells like strawberry licorice. 

It’s all hazy but almost engulfing in that sense, I’m usually overcome by warmth because someone else is in the room. I have no idea who the person in my dreams is. It might not even be a woman, but we just dance to the show tunes until the sun comes up. Wrapped in each others arms the silhouette and I spin our way around the room always coming back together. The stuff gives me the feels just thinking about it. Anyway some day this’ll happen to me, I’m trying to make it happen because It’s clearly a vision of some sort. Show tunes are the most elegant thing ever and to be honest I think I’m gunna take the girl of my dreams to a show tunes ball. I’m in a really good mood at the moment, who knows how long that will last… Everyone should listen to “it’s a sin To tell a lie” by the ink spots. 

Cheesy peace out,

J.

A tale between your legs

A first time ruined and in turn you ruin, 
A train wreck held as a grudge and served in turn,
A whisper that snowballs into a social avalanche,
A ghost who haunts obviously, yet persistently, 
A sickness easy to hide but hard to live with ,
A painless knife sterile and numb, 
A savage beast with grace unmatched, 
You have a right to the tale between your legs.

Walls

If your walls could talk they’d tell you to hold back,
They’re waiting on you, they’re old and ready to crack.
Take all these feeling and stash them somewhere dark,
I can smell your fear; disloyalty in god.
These walls are telling me that his patience is drawing low,
Slowly going insane its all over a show,
No calling your brothers to save you,
Your friends saying emotions are unaffordable material wealth is health.
A lover who turned life rich,
These walls are telling me you are a snitch.
I pray for your walls to crumble,
My mask slips because it’s hard to keep humble.
Your walls are telling me “Put your ear to your heart”,
But that’s impossible when they are falling apart,
Broke other buildings trying to keep me tied,
Realize that if i collapse you would all die..
So when you think about me rewind to the beginning,
About the all times you could smile to the tune of us singing,
About me and you in the summer waking in the morning,
About the signs i missed, i should have seen the warning.
About the days ruined you still continue your life,
And how i think about you to clear up all of the strife,
About the only girl who cared about you when you asked her,
And how shes got the role of the Master.
Walls can talk.


(This is  spin on Kendrick Lamar's "Walls" Verse From: "To Pimp a Butterfly" something that resonated with me)

(Sidenote: This is the last piece i think i will be doing on the whole “Her” Subject that inspires me so much, I’ve just had enough of writing for someone who will never truly see or understand how i feel as much as i write or try to explain, i just dont have the energy... Who knows maybe ill get inspired to do more at some point, but not now; For now im done.)

My Mind Throws A Sales Pitch For Bandages

In hopes of helping you out, I’ve come up with a few cover ups for that hole of yours, Now they aren’t permanent, but hopefully they’ll help.

What about this one? Ahh yes, this one has nylon coating so its strong. it comes in all colors so you can pick the best and it has a lifetime guarantee! 

No? 

How about this one? 24 Karat gold plating, diamond top, built in minibar and disco. Cover up your grievous wound in style! 

No?

This ones ahead of its time, top of the range, long lasting, stable, comfortable and its the last in stock! Guarantee it’ll be gone tomorrow so get it now, while you still can.

No?

This one is custom built, marble finish beautiful, sleek; Antique. this ones seen alot of wear and tear but still comes off so elegant

No?

This one comes in a bundle, they are all short term so you must replace every once and a while, but you’re fine with that. They all look similar and follow the original house style but some are tricky. 

No? Can i stop?

No.



(I have no idea)

Calnder month: Ad'uaray

It was the start at least, a milestone.

It was inevitable,

Romeo and Juliet; you may as well have come from royalty, 

I knew you were going places, modest as you are

We were busy, and the only time I saw you was when I slept; so I slept allot.

The key dream is beating routine,

With every single moment still pristine.

I skipped home more jittery than a meth addict; my drug.

And all of a sudden that first kiss hardened into the last, 

My love, left there,

To be continued,

I’ll see you soon.

And I get the feeling that first time won’t leave me.

Luna Ridere

The moon likes to orchestrate,

And when I feel like it I like to join in,

Sometimes I see it in the day,

Its silhouette gracefully slim.

The moon is crescent when I'm with you, and I'm in love with its pace.

Alas we are so far apart, I find myself missing your face.

Your push and pull so natural now,

I know this beat to well.

You give me too many chances,

I rose and then I fell.

I feel the heat creep from the cold,

Silently warm in my mind.

I feel the rhythm from the deep,

Forever with me but not mine.

i was just an ocean,

And I just wanted you to know,

I was nothing,

Not so special until you made me so.

What do you follow?

Two faces, one mind

Three natures, too grind

cowardly fiend, crossed line

Scary beast, no spine

Silhouette, standing out

Trying to hide, visible doubts

deaf mute, cant hear the shouts

Bountiful harvest, year long drought

beggars plea, final stand

Broken aircraft, where to land?

Broken boy, take his hand

and lead him to a life so grand.