Where i'm @ - The Room

My room is to big,
My room is to cold,
The house that I live in is defiantly old.

The floor is hardwood,
It echoes and creeks,
The double bed has to Much room in it’s sheets.

I can’t find a job,
I've looked everywhere,
The stress makes me want to just pull out my hair.

Love was an issue,
A blue sea of doubt,
But now I sit here in a sorrowful drought.

My friends are all gone,
And so is my pride,
I spend most my day all cooped up Inside.

I’m trying to get fit,
I’m trying to get well,
But I can’t fix my head and I’m trapped in my cell.

Maybe it’s all of you,
But I’m going crazy,
Some close friends I thought could not be this lazy.

I just want to vent to someone else rather,
Than my old sweet and supporting grandfather.

I don’t have a father to carry the burden.
And I still blame myself, for this I am certain.

I don’t know what I want,
I don’t know who I am,
The facade I make now i assume is a sham.

Time goes forward And so shall I,
Until I decide it’s my time to die. 

The Slumber'less Hate

34 hours without sleep does wonders on the brain:

I just,
I just wish,
Sometimes i wish i had a father, 

Only sometimes,
I have much disdain,
I have so many feelings others didn't deserve, 

But he did,

I'm Sure he could've handled it,

I'm wrong just writing that.

I wish someone could harbor all this with me, 

Everyone else is full to the brim, 

I cant bare to let them spill; even at my own expense.

Its a vicious cycle,

Wasn't i good enough? 

Was I sacred? 

Will i be? 

I don't know him, could i be him?
I'm hateful and covetous.
I brew in dreams of shared sorrow,

I bathe in the despair,

Huddled in it glow like the rays of the sun,
Why do you get the great start? 

Who teaches me?

Why am i bitter?

I'm a suborn cup who wont admit he's full,
But i cant break myself, 

Its too hard to do alone, 

My insides are stained
I cant bare to write this, 

My ego's fighting me back,
Most of my work dies with what little pride sparks it.

Swallowed by the fear of judgment,

Father figure worried about me,
We're the same and he tries so hard,
I feel so useless, 

so confused,
What am i doing?
What the fuck am i doing?

Pew Pew Pew. I'm going to bed now.

"Pro"-Longing

I miss her, this is a different type of longing.
Maybe its evolved, maybe its changed? I still need her though.
But i wonder if she still needs me?
My hardwood floors echo at night and it gets ever so cold
i lie wondering if she hears me in her quiet little room
If shes warm? if shes happy? Its a sedative.
I thought i would love this bed, but there is so much room and so little me
Even as it rains and thunders here I cant help but wish everything is going well
Maybe its not for the better
But at least its still there

Everyday i die

Every street i cross, the nearest car hits me
Every hand i touch, i contract the worst infection
The scaffolding i walk under buries me in rubble
I sink into my bath just a little too long
The knife i cut food with butchers me instead
The train i take home, derails and crashes
I lie in my hospital bed alone and scared;
Bound but waiting to be freed.

But only in my mind
Only because its easier
Not because i will not
Only because i cannot
But one day we all will